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Joke of the Day

"Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the asshole for tripping him??"

"The best time to leave the country is when a demonic voice screams your name from inside a locked basement"

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out"

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if your name was bblamdiffergmunmnumblldpbdb."

"When somebody unfollows me, I want to go on a shopping spree and walk into their house while holding bags and say, ""Big mistake. Big. Huge!"""

"So my japanese girlfriend dumped me the other day.. .. Oh well, theres plenty more in the sea."

"Why was the baseball player arrested? He was involved in a hit-and-run."

"When I'm not anxious I'm anxious about it."

"Who makes the best Astronauts? Team Rocket since they're always blasting off."

"What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom? Angus McCoatup"