114806

Joke of the Day

"Beggin'Strips: Stop pretending dogs don't know it's not bacon. They smell cocaine in a cooch across an airport; I'm sure they know NOT bacon"

"What do you call a drink with problems? Dilemmanade"

"Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow."

"There's 4 and a half inches of light snow outside ...or as most the men on Tinder would have me believe, 8 inches and really thick."

"That awkward moment when twins realize that one of them was not planned"

"What do you call it when an alcoholic stops drinking? A leave of Absinthe."

"There's nothing louder than the end of cycle signal on a dryer."

"Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg? Because they're both cracked!"

"How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones."

"Hi, I'm black, and I can't stand it when people assume we're all criminals -Sent from your iPhone."