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Joke of the Day

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? (say outloud) With little knotsies."

"A bird in the hand is worth two... Years in prison if you get caught doing it in public."

"I recently learned that the smell of fresh cut grass is the smell plants give if when under duress, and I like that smell... I guess this makes me a sado-*manicurist*"

"What's the difference between a Greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job? One's a crusty bus station, the other's a busty crustacean."

"What's up? Up is the Y-axis relative vertical direction opposed to down."

"Sure, he's got his faults, like -- he's a necromancer, and a hoarder... ... but doesn't everybody have a few skeletons in their closet?"

"What do you call a morbidly obese hippy? Tie Dyeabetes"

"What do you call it when a Sith goes to a Galleria? Darth Mall."

"Media, stop using the phrase 'breaking news'. It's been broken for some time now."

"I thought I defeated this dragon, but he's been following me around... I beat him off with a sword"