108788

Joke of the Day

"[DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff"

"I'm so stoned........ It took me three tries to turn out the bathroom light. Turns out the toilet flush handle does not control the lights."

"Casper The Friendly Ghost never haunted my house. All I got was his stupid cousin, Murray The Constipated Poltergeist."

"I hate being bi-polar... It's awesome!"

"Whoever said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... Was aiming a little high..."

"Why couldn't the Mod get into the club? He never got banned."

"What animal brings the most boys to the yard? The [milk snake](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk_snake)"

"What did the blind, deaf, mute quadriplegic boy get for Christmas? Cancer"

"On your MARK, get wet, RUFFALO."

"""Errors in pronunciation eventually become part of the language if used widely enough over a long period of time"" linguists, supposably"