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Joke of the Day

"What's the fastest animal in the world? A chicken crossing Ethiopia. What's the second fastest animal? ... The ethiopian chasing it."

"Spending half of the movie wondering where the fuck did I see this actor before..."

"For sale: one parachute. Only used once, never opened, slight stain."

"Texting while driving: Bad. Wrestling a shark while driving: STILL LEGAL! WOOHOOO!!!"

"A crazed fan attacked Miley Cyrus at a recent concert. Damn, I would have LOVED to have seen the look on her gums."

"People are like, ""Jess, can you give me some advice?"" & I'm like, ""K, don't get kidnapped."""

"Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny"

"Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity? Because all of their broads are in Atlanta"

"Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*"

"When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing."