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Joke of the Day

"Told my coworker to shut up or I would slash his tires. He laughed, I laughed. Now I'm by his car with a knife and I can hear sirens. :("

"friend gave me an inhaler my friend was dying on the floor and he gave me an inhaler, guess he wanted to give something for me to remember him. weird."

"Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite."

"Men are like bike helmets. They are handy in an emergency but otherwise they just look silly."

"Most of my friendships are based on if we watch the same TV shows."

"It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again."

"I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend."

"What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it? An envelope!"

"So a chicken crosses the road and goes into a bar... ...to help his friends change a lightbulb"

"Whenever I shake someone's hand as I meet them and they say ""The pleasure's all mine."" I quickly look to see where their other hand is."