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Joke of the Day

"Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite."

"How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Are you kidding? That's a hardware problem!"

"What happened to the defeatists poker business? It folded."

"Farmer Brown put up a pig-shaped weather vane but he's not happy with it. Instead of pointing with the wind the pig vane keeps pointing toward the feed trough."

"[william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning."

"Seafaring language makes me uncomfortable, so no, I would not like a chips ahoy cookie or any other maritime treats, thank you."

"What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records."

"are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies"

"""Hello, Pizza Hut"" Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? ""eight"" And a medium? ""eight"" *long pause* I'd like to speak with your manager"