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Joke of the Day

"Everybody thinks Australians are laid back until one of us is standing over you with a chainsaw asking you to pronounce Aluminium correctly."

"What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman? Snow balls"

"A neutrino walks into a bar... and it just keeps on going."

"why is there cotton in pill bottles? to remind black people that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers!"

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? Your job sucks"

"Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]"

"How did the sheep get a Nobel Prize? It was out standing in its field!"

"Your momma's so fat it takes two warlocks to summon her."

"I have a job as a gym instructor But it isn't working out."

"Why was Mrs. Clause's stocking full on December 21st? Because Santa came early this year."