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Joke of the Day

"It puts the lotion in the basket. Then it calls the wife to make sure it's the right brand so it doesn't get the hose again."

Next Joke
 
"My husband says I talk in my sleep but I don't believe him because nobody at work has ever mentioned it."
"Wife: We're going to Jessie's BBQ today. Me: She's the one with the big--- Wife: They're fake! Me: So? -liveTweeting from the DogHouse"
"How can you lose around 10 pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head."
"My life could benefit from a little more Stranger Danger and a little less Acquaintance Maintenance."
"I Like my slaves like I like my coffee: Free"
"I don't care who dies in the movie but it better not be the dog."
"We started a band... We're called the 999 mega bytes. Haven't got a gig yet."
"Poop jokes... are the shit."
"How many guys in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just stand around and compliment it, and then get pissed when it won't screw"