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Joke of the Day

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: ""Where's the self-help section?"" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"How do you spot a egocentric vocalist? They warm up singing, 'Mi, mi, mi.... Mi!'"

"Girls always think I'm ugly until they see what's in my bank account Then they think I'm ugly AND poor"

"In the past, U.S.A. has had for president..... Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper."

"What do you call a phallic music scale, crushed under a piano? D-flat"

"According to my laptop, my New Year's resolution is 1680 x 1050."

"What do you call a lizard that can't get a boner? A reptile dysfunction"

"What's the difference between eating at a restaurant and standing in a field of cows? I don't tip at restaurants."

"Every time I cook risotto I feel like Gordon Ramsey is going to walk in and scream at me."

"How come sneezes get a ""God Bless You"" but coughs get a cold unflinching silence?"