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Joke of the Day

"If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country. If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country. This isn't a political post; I just want to travel."

"What do women and Slinkies have in common? Not much, but you can't help but crack a smile when see some tumbling down the stairs."

"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"

"I was looking at the fruit in the bowl, thinking... How the fuck did I end up with a gay goldfish..."

"My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr"

"Why was the Lego boxer unmatched in the ring? He was a master of blocking attacks."

"If Captain America's shield is vibranium, then... Hawkeye's shield is Quicksilver"

"My Italian grandmother just got a stair chair lift, I asked her how she likes it... she said ... ""IT DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL"""

"What do you call a Mexican fighting a priest? Alien vs. Predator"

"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."