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Joke of the Day

"My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr"

"[end of interview] Any questions for me? Yes. Why didn't the glass slipper also disappear at midnight? YOU ARE SO HIRED."

"""Mah son's real smart!"" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. ""He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"" ""What's his name?"" asked the friend. ""Bob."""

"Cum leaves the body at almost 30 miles per hour, which means it is illegal to ejaculate in a school zone. I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though."

"If my wife comes to bed nude it's ON, but when it's me at the end of the bed naked she's all ""what are you doin, we're at Mattress City."""

"Have manufacturers of picket fences ever gone on strike? Because the irony would be awesome. Take your time, I'll wait."

"Does anyone remember Gotye? Now he's just somebody that we used to know"

"Hub: This looks delicious! I love spaghetti! Me: I know Hub: Pass the foot powder. ~and that's why I can never eat Parmesan cheese again"

"What do you call a conversation about weed? A diskushion."

"My girlfriend and I went to the bank and opened a shared savings account, mostly for buying weed. ... ... It will be our joint account."