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Joke of the Day

"And the Oscar goes to... ...Jail!"

"You know what they said about the year old sheep that kept getting into trouble... ...he was a mutton for punishment."

"Vampires love tea... A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says ""I thought you only drink blood?"" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, ""I'm making tea""!"

"As I suspected, someone's been removing soil from my garden. The plot thins."

"Do you ever take a bunch of pills, forget that you took a bunch of pills, take a bunch more pills, and then die? I know. Me TOO."

"What did the man ask the bush after being attacked by it? The man asked ""Why did you attack me?"" The bush replied ""I am bush."""

"""Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa"" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie."

"Reminding Dad I'm too old for adoption really bums him out because that was one of his favorite threats when I was growing up"

"When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghoul's Day"

"If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work."