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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when I forget to cut the tags off my sandwich and everyone's like ""New sandwich?"""

"Her: If I get fat will you break up with me? Me: No but you're now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest."

"Why can't British people go to North Korea? Nobody at the ticket counter knows what ""north career"" means"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Cause I put on the wrong sock this morning"

"Two Jews walk into a bar... And try to think of more ""fine"" ideas to fuck up the Internet."

"What am i doing after taking lots of codeine? I literally ain't doin' shit..."

"You can't spell dad without a"

"Did you hear about that earthquake yesterday? I heard it was groundbreaking."

"What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when he hits a windshield? His ass."