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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest."

"Friends and family are like butt cheeks... Shit seperates them but, they always come back together in the end."

"How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware problem."

"Son: ""Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"" Dad: ""Hmm. You are my son. Of that, I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."""

"Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses."

"What's the United States favorite brand of shortening? San Fran Crisco"

"Why did Cinderella get kicked off the softball team? Because she ran away from the ball!"

"ME: Hey they're playing our song. HER: This isn't our song. ME: [turning up ""Go Your Own Way""] Yes it is, Karen. I want a divorce."

"There's been a lot of scammers claiming they're from the electric company calling to get payments from overdue bills... They're getting pretty crafty- they even turned off my electricity."

"I believe the children are our future and they should be praised and nurtured because they are the bus drivers and cabbies of tomorrow, and I drink a lot."