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Joke of the Day

"Q. How do you get down from an aerial ladder? A. You don't get down from an aerial ladder. You get down from a duck."

"95% of every relationship is navigating the question ""Where should we eat?"" without it turning into World War III."

"Why does Poesche keep their engines in the back? To leave more room for Paul Walker in the Front.."

"Whats a plants favorite drink? Root Beer"

"I know two wrongs don't make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I'm like on 756."

"May I talk to you about Jesus Christ? - how I get out of any situation"

"So I ask my local librarian... If she had books on Pavlovs dog and Schrodingers cat. She said they rang a bell but dont know if they are there or not."

"Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving"

"Where am I? I don't know where I am, but there's a huge nuke in front of me, obviously supposed to be secret. I'm terrified. I ran."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."