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Joke of the Day

"Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving"

"Two fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other ""You man the guns, i'll drive"""

"[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport Whoops, wrong bus"

"Apparently just because I have the ""mind of a child"" I'm not allowed to sit on a Santa's lap. Also it's ""illegal"" to carry a brain around."

"What is the dumbest joke you've ever come up with, while at work or in school? Go!"

"How long does it take for a black woman to poop? Nine months."

"Roses are red-ish... Violets are blue-ish. If it wasn't for Jesus, we'd all be Jewish."

"10 years ago parents were like ""be careful what you put on the web"" and we were all ""lol. old people."" now none of us can ever be President."

"What do all rioters have in common? Youth"

"""I'm gonna make a cool new social media site for college kids, but only for a few years. Then it'll be a mom scrapbook"" ~ Mark Zuckerberg"