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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you play peek-a-boo with Jesus? Because he has holes in his hands"

"I went to a sandwich shop and ordered a pastrami sandwich, but I received a meatball marinara. Whoops, wrong sub"

"I'm tired of seeing ""Hey OP, I banged your mom"" comments every time I post a submission.... I never should have given dad my username."

"SUPERHERO: I alienate my loved ones to protect them from danger ME: Me too, that's also my reason"

"Christmas cards are how old people say, ""Hey, you thought I was dead, but I'm not!"""

"Someone tweets ""pizza,"" I want pizza. Someone tweets ""donut,"" I want a donut. Someone tweets ""kale,"" I want pizza and a donut."

"Did you hear about the guy who kept shooting birds? He was charged with First Degree Burder."

"*mops up wine with cat*"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly this dick in your mom's mouth"

"Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise."