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Joke of the Day

"I went to a sandwich shop and ordered a pastrami sandwich, but I received a meatball marinara. Whoops, wrong sub"

"How do you catch an Elephant? Dig a hole, fill it with ashes, and line the outside with peas. So when the Elephant comes to take a pea, you can kick him in the ash hole."

"My signature move is parking closely to the sports car at the end of the lot taking up four spaces."

"I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep."

"Did you hear about the scottish drag queen? He wore pants."

"What do you call a blowjob from a midget? A low blow."

"So, I was working on my truck today.. And the brake cleaner started to get me high I forgot what I was doing. So, I was working on my truck today..."

"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."

"Gay pickup line Shit gurl, are you a chiropractor? Cause you straighten me out."

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."