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Joke of the Day

"I went to a sandwich shop and ordered a pastrami sandwich, but I received a meatball marinara. Whoops, wrong sub"

"Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but now I turned that around.. Now I'm depressed and miserable"

"I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order."

"Are you a can of mountain dew? Cause I'd mountain dew you."

"I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant. But then I changed my mind."

"Are you the square root of -100? Cause you're the only 10i see."

"What's the difference between having a badly poured draft beer and having a child with Down's Syndrome? If the head's too big on your beer, you can blow it off."

"What do you call a man in a hole? Phil."

"What was the aardvark's favorite Lady Gaga song? Just Ants. Credit: My friend, the PUNisher."

"100 Ways to contact me; 1. Call me. 2. Tweet me. 3. Txt me.... 95.Drums and smoke signals 100.Facebook"