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Joke of the Day

"this is my cheat life i'll worry about carbs and a workout plan next reincarnation"

"What's the difference between Wendy's and Windows? Wendy's is never frozen."

"I'm really good at not paying my bills. They all say ""OUTSTANDING!"""

"[1st day as cop] captain: ""why did you call for back up"" me: ""there was a fly in my car"" swat team leader: ""what exactly do you think we do"""

"Not to be racist but... Every movie is widescreen to Asian people."

"What do you get when you put 28 Alabama Sorority girls in one room? A full set of teeth"

"I got my son a stripper for his birthday. My wife wasn't impressed, but it's not every day he turns 4."

"My friend once told me ""You must be the most pedantic person in the entire world."" ""Third most, actually."""

"How about instead of me calling you to let you know that I landed safely, you just watch the news?"

"A friend of mine is so politically correct.... At the deli he is afraid to ask for "" white American "" cheese."