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Joke of the Day

"All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don't even remember what he did anymore."

"Got the invite to your wedding. Thanks! Sadly, your blatant overuse of illegible, ornate script fonts means I don't know when or where it is"

"How many karma whores does it take to change a lightbulb? When this gets 500 upvotes, I'll tell you the answer."

"I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality."

"Why couldn't Luke get any sleep? Because the Force Awakens"

"Did you see the recent movie about the rabbi? I forget which part they cut out."

"My sex life is like a Ferrari I don't have one :("

"What do you call a plane with a muslim on it? Death row"

"Tell her she's glowing and watch her do the mental math on when her last period was"

"How can you tell a mechanic recently had sex? He has 1 clean finger. src: heard on radio yesterday"