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Joke of the Day

"I really want to rent a hot air balloon. Or at least a moderately attractive air balloon with a great personality."

"A fighter plane mechanic goes to the doctor for his impotence. The doctor examines him and then writes a brief diagnosis. ""Could not reproduce"""

"My pistol only holds 9 bullets, so when I lose my shit I only get to kill 9 people or one cat."

"How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end."

"Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists."

"in other news: 8 hours from now, half the country will be screaming about tragedy and loss b/c some dudes didnt catch a ball enough times"

"""If you don't have anything nice to say, say as much as you can."" - the internet"

"I would tell you a complicated joke But there is no chance that your incapable human mind has any possibility of comprehending what it means."

"I lost my mood ring... I lost my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about this."

"Why shouldn't you laugh when a black man falls off his bike? It could be ~~yours~~ your bike. EDIT: Spelling."