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Joke of the Day

"Tell her she's glowing and watch her do the mental math on when her last period was"

"Since the presidential race has literally a dick measuring contest... who would win the election if the election is decided by dick measurements? Hillary Clinton of course!"

"What does a pedophile and McDonald's have in common? They both have meat between 7-year-old buns."

"Why is the letter ""O"" everywhere? Because it's a round U."

"What do you call a sketchy neighborhood in Italy? A Spaghetto."

"On sex, Confucius say: ""Couple who have sex on side of hill, not level"""

"Everybody should be free to vote in a general election. Everybody should be free to vote in the X factor. Nobody should be able to vote in both."

"[chef interview] BOSS: Are you familiar with kitchen jargon ME: Yeah, that means you're missing a jar"

"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"

"A Wookie, a Stormtrooper, and Boba Fett walk in to a bar. They sit down and Boba Fett turns to the trooper and says, ""I think that was the first time one of you guys actually hit something."""