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Joke of the Day

"*Guy is rushed in on a stretcher* DR: what happened EMT: we found him passed out & seizing during a shrek marathon DR: WE'VE GOT AN OGREDOSE"

"What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? Guardians of the Galaxy!"

"Old people always poke me at weddings and say ""you're next."" I do the same thing to them at funerals"

"I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group... Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas..."

"Bill Clinton rapes a woman... Hillary Clinton then says to him... ""Bill did you rape another woman?"" Get it? Bill Clinton rapes women...."

"If I go to your place for the first time, unless you live in a castle, please don't ask me if I want a tour."

"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob"

"I'm in a Japanese restaurant. I shit you not. They have a vegetable tempura appetizer called ""Mushroom Cloud."" I'm afraid to order it."

"Man: ILYWoman: Awww write the words in full they mean more when theyre written properlyMan: Im leaving you"