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Joke of the Day

"Unfortunately, the house having 'period features' turned out to mean we had to get the decorators in once a month."

"Julius Caesar goes into a bar... ... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks, ""Do you mean a martini?"" ""No. Just one, please."""

"dave is coming over ""normal dave or dave whos alwayes doing impressions of evrybody we know"" [from outside] hi guyes, its normal dave ""noooo"

"Why do Africans wear baggy pants? Because their knee grows."

"Did you hear about the banana thief? He's appealing his sentence"

"""Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place,"" I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor."

"I asked a meteorologist whether or not it would rain. He said, ""I don't know its up in the air""."

"6 made coffee for me this morning, I'm now thinking that she can never move out of the house"

"*Enters $100 daily Fitbit challenge* *Pays marathon runner $20 to wear my Fitbit* *Buys $80 worth of donuts*"

"How many years before we forget if 9/11 was in '00 or '01? 15 or 16"