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Joke of the Day

"Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, ""surprise adoption""."

"On the set of a movie... ""Alright folks that's a wrap"" ""Actually sir it's a panini"" ""Ugh..Take five"" But there weren't enough paninis for everyone to take 5"

"What do tornados and black people have in common? It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood"

"If movies have taught me anything, it's that the insurance for fruit vendor carts must be astronomical."

"Avril Lavigne: He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? Me: Yes you could. That is incredibly vague."

"How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years."

"What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet."

"How did the mathematician solve his constipation problems? The same way he solved all other problems: He worked it out with a pencil and paper."

"What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs."

"A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass.......... The doctor described his condition as stable."