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Joke of the Day
"I haven't spoken to my girlfriend in months. I don't want to interrupt her."
Next Joke
"It sucks not being miserable enough to bust out a good tweet."
"What happened to the Milkman? He drank all the milk.... makes sense no? logically, yes!"
"What di you call a snowman in may? A puddle!"
"Christmas lights remind me of some people I know. They all hang out together, half the fuckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!!!!"
"Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always."
"If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?"
"What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again."
"*calls 911* Hey, I found some big guns. *Cops surround the house. I come outside flexing and get shot 263 times.*"
"What do you call a sugary werewolf? a glycan"