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Joke of the Day
"It sucks not being miserable enough to bust out a good tweet."
Next Joke
"Statistics are like a bikini What it reveals is suggestive, but what it conceals is essential."
"My shoulder just got to 2nd base with the chick who is cutting my hair..."
"Why Won't Anyone Tell me the Name of Ukraine's 5th Largest City? They keep telling me to stop asking..."
"When interviewer asks to describe yourself > Interviewer1: Describe yourself > Interviewee: HIRED > Interviewer2: [Whispers] Holy shit can she do that?"
"police codes 472: loitering 213: man with horse eyes 304: gnarly dirtbike 94: breaking & entering 834: dog smoking weed 58: sexy loitering"
"It's easy to be with my family because we have so much in common. Like, we all love to look at our phones!!"
"I bet vampires just walk around saying how different things were in back the old days."
"My signature move is eating a whole bag of something before realizing I don't like it."
"what fandom, despite only 1 book in the franchise, has been obsesing over it since the begeinning? christianity"