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Joke of the Day

"If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn't 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?"

"Why was the motorcycle going so slow? Because it was two tired!"

"[police interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Drug dealer."" ""Louder, for the tape."" [leans in] ""Bug healer. I heal bugs."""

"How do I take my coffee? Uh..Orally. Why? How do you take it? Freak."

"Suicide is only illegal because dead people can't pay taxes."

"Why does Snoop carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle"

"I was going to have sex with my xbox but.. It made me microsoft"

"What's yellow and can't swim A bus full of children"

"I like my slaves like I like my coffee Free."

"How can Euchre and Marriage be similar? Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade."