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Joke of the Day

"Christmas lights remind me of some people I know. They all hang out together, half the fuckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!!!!"

"I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends."

"What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus and wipe out Klingons."

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office is in big trouble. You have my Word."

"They could put nuclear missile launch codes in porn movie end credits and they'd still be perfectly safe."

"I need some advice What has everyone been using to get ice of their cars in the morning? I've been using a discount card, but I can only ever get 20% off"

"A 2007 study showed that for high school students graduating in the US, 4/3 did not know how to properly use fractions. It might be an outdated study though."

"""What are you doing tonight?"" Gonna smoke some Herb. ""Nice."" -guys who work in a crematorium"

"What do you call a black guy who plays the piano? a pianist"

"How do you call fish with no eyes fsh"