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Joke of the Day

"Got kicked out of Bed Bath & Beyond today for drawing pictures of Drake on their blankets, so they'd be extra soft."

"Don't worry if you're not part of a clique. You can get the same experience by running through a minefield."

"A billionaire has a billion dollars. A millionaire has a million dollars. What do you call a person with ten dollars? A college student."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? About halfway"

"What is big, black, and very long? A black hole"

"It's that time of year I'm just going to say it now so I can say I said it first I'll see you guys next year Now shut the fuck up with that joke"

"How many jobs did Speaker Boehner create in the past 4 years as a Speaker? One, when he left."

"Did ya hear about the guy who got his hand caught in the printing press? He's in all the papers. ...Ba-dum bum"

"I'll be over there in a second Just give me a minute"

"One of the rudest things you can do is make eye contact with someone eating McDonald's in their car."