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Joke of the Day

"My wife just delivered twin boys and let me name them From her reaction, I'm guessing ""Pete"" and ""Repeat"" wasn't the best choice."

"This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep."

"I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if architects in those days had just made their towns big enough for everyone."

"if you stabbed me i would probably bleed pizza sauce."

"Isis have just started making explosive prayer mats In their first quarterly report they said that prophets were going through the roof."

"Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house."

"""They say children learn by example, even for potty training."" -I explain to my horrified neighbor as my son and dog poop on the lawn"

"I lost all my Pokemon cards in a house fire I only have Ash now."

"Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience."

"Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper? A. Yes if you wrap an iron in it."