106774

Joke of the Day

"I hate when people ask me what I see myself doing in five years time... It makes me think of a time I won't be able to repost this fucking joke. Fuck 20/20 vision."

"Why do gyms produce the best Rebels? Because of all the resistance training"

"I find gardeners to be very nice people They're really down to earth."

"I bought a shower curtain on Amazon once and now every time I log in Amazon acts like I'm the guy who fucking loves buying shower curtains."

"[god inventing animals] okay here's a new one. It's an umbrella ""okay"" made out of jello ""alright"" and it electrocutes things ""you're drunk"""

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but it takes nine visits."

"Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose."

"I'm not saying he is out of shape, but... ... he calls the gym 'James' because he doesn't feel familiar enough for nicknames."

"What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas? Gee, you knit?"

"Two mens are under a tent Two men are under a tent when one of them ask the second one: -Are you masturbating? -Yes why? -Then can you use your penis instead of mine?"