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Joke of the Day

"I like girls how I like my clothes. Whitewashed. Clean and fresh. Hung. Edit: Ninja edit"

"""Whats your biggest weakness?"" ""I'm bad at taking compliments"" ""Actually that's quite endearing"" *Leaps across table, punches him in throat*"

"[2016, cincinnati zoo. boy falls into the enclosure] other gorilla: something brought a boy to the yard harambe [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"what do you call a blond standing on her head? a brunette with bad breath..."

"The whole world loves the dairy-farmer Saudi Prince. He's brown-skinned, sweet, great with kids but drinks Old English 800 all day... ... but hey, everyone loves a chocolate malted milk sheik!"

"I went to the doctors the other day. I said ""every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm!"" ""Have you been taking anything for it?"" He asked. ""Yeah, pepper"""

"My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around."

"Boss:Why is your voice gone? Are you ok? Me:*thinks back to me belting out Ariana Grande's ""Dangerous Woman""* I'm ok...allergies are bad."

"Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess. But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing."

"I may be Indian.. ...but damn Curry sucks!"