34476

Joke of the Day

"Boss:Why is your voice gone? Are you ok? Me:*thinks back to me belting out Ariana Grande's ""Dangerous Woman""* I'm ok...allergies are bad."

"Why do marble statues look so mean? They have hearts of stone."

"I love raccoons. Part cat. Part dog. Part rodent. Part bear. Little people hands. What's not to like?"

"I was disappointed to learn that the Discovery Channel's program ""Deadliest Catch"" wasn't about first marriages."

"Why was the bakers bread so expensive? He needed the dough."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Doctor: Your baby is 7 pounds! Me: So that's like, what, three dollars?"

"What do you call a witness to an event in the Middle East? A Dubaistander. Yeah I thought of it myself."

"Telling a girl she has nice hair is not sexual harassment Unless you're a dwarf"

"Did you hear Peter Dinklage got pickpocketed? Who would stoop that low?"