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Joke of the Day

"[audition for a vampire tv show] ME: as u can see in my headshots, i'm a vampire CASTING DIRECTOR: theres no one in these photos ME: exactly"

"I deleted all of the Germans off my phone. Its Hans-free."

"NARRATOR: Here we see the gentle reindeer gamboling in the woods... DASHER: [pushing stack of Xmas cookies] Raise NARRATOR: I SAID GAMBOLING"

"Commentator just said that the rain ""may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation,"" which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain."

"Schrodinger's Omlette Up until you flip the omelette, you don't know if it's an omelette or scrambled eggs. If it flips, omelette it is If it doesn't, scrambled it is"

"What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert? Wedding cake"

"i blame everything on the illuminati. stale bread? illuminati."

"Why don't Middle Eastern dogs bite as often? Because they Muslim."

"Why do sharks hate clowns? They taste funny"

"I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe."