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Joke of the Day

"His icy glare melts my creamy core. He's so cold, beads of water drip down his exterior. My walls ache to be drowned by him. -Oreo to milk"

"A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. ""Help!"" cried the cellist ""I can't swim!"" ""Don't worry"" said the violist ""just fake it."""

"Where do hipsters buy their clothes? Most likely a thrift store or Urban Outfitters, TBH."

"Hello? Yes, this is the chair store calling, are you sitting down? No? well"

"What happens when you eat burgers with onions? Bunions. (written by my 25 year old girlfriend)"

"The Pope walks into a Mosque. The imam says ""Why the wrong faith?"""

"Tie Me Up... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. ""Tie me up,"" she purred, ""and you can do anything you want."" So he tied her up and went golfing."

"After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, ""I'll keep that in mind"" and walk off"

"The opposite of ""Free Willy"" is ""Predestinationy."""

"Do you know how Rihanna can tell when Chris has been cheating on her? He has someone else's lipstick on his knuckles."