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Joke of the Day

"Opera is what happens when someone stabs you and instead of dying, you sing."

"My mom told me today that she is surprised I don't have a cat. I told her I was surprised she has a husband."

"[raises hand during kickboxing lesson] when do we get to kick boxes? [instructor] that's not what we- [me] I just hate boxes so damn much"

"Two vultures boarded an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. Thestewardess looked at them and said, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrionper passenger is allowed."""

"What's the right age to tell your kids Canada isn't real?"

"I think Trump might be the guy to turn the US around... But I fear his next move will be to bend it over."

"Journalist asks a neo-nazi ""what do you have against foreigners?"" ""I have an axe"""

"What is something that can breakdance on the floor only once on their life? A fish"

"I love Halloween. Its the only time I can wear my KKK outfit and get away with it."

"Actions speak louder than birds (except for parrots)"