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Joke of the Day

"Are you ever going to use those Styrofoam plates? No, they're not biodegradable. Well throw them away then!"

"My husband asked if I've heard of Justin Bieber. Then he hooked up the horse and plowed the back 40 because he's Amish, apparently."

"I like my women like I like my tea... ...white, weak and you can't tell if what you're drinking is piss or not."

"What's a neckbeard's favourite element? Manga-nese."

"Back in my day... They called selfie sticks dildos."

"Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore."

"Well well well if it isn't the kangaroo whose pouch I'm in."

"Mike Pence said that his Vice Presidential role model is Vice President Cheney. Huh. Who would've thought that after making so much LGBT discriminatory legislation that Pence loved Dick?"

"Why did the band 999 megabytes break up? Because they couldn't get a gig."

"My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days."