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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore."

"chicken pot pie. my three favorite things"

"[tour of zoo] kid: ""i think its a elephant"" me: ""are you giving the tour"" kid: me: ""anyway as i was saying this is the big snake face thing"""

"Here's a joke about Ebola You probably won't get it though."

"Just found out men can have sex at 88..... which is handy cos I live at 94 so it's not far to walk home after."

"Facebook: where English goes to die."

"I don't want anti-wrinkle cream, I want a serum that bestows wrinkles upon my enemies."

"It's like grandma always said... In a car with a sunroof, you have more room for your legs"

"*cats pull on masks* This is the ultimate heist. Let's get those jewels. *cats immediately set off alarm trying to attack the laser beams*"

"Teacher- ""what does a chicken give you?"" Students- ""Meat!"" Teacher- ""Good! Now what does the pig give you?"" Students- ""Bacon!"" Teacher- ""Great! Now what does a fat cow give you?"" Students- ""Homework!"""