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Joke of the Day

"Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper."

"Michael Jackson jokes are so childish"

"People ask me questions like I'm listening"

"What did King Trident say when he stepped in the whale poop? OH CARP!!!"

"My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class. I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking."

"Did you hear about the guy who's making ""Colostomy Bag Pipes"" on Kick Starter? They sound like shit."

"when i was 17 my bucket list was ""buy a house"" & ""marry a tycoon"" now i'm 27 it's ""tickle a baby hedgehog"" and ""learn Beyonce choreography"""

"I had a bowl of Cap'n Crunch cereal for the first time in a long time last weekend. The roof of my mouth should be healed in a few days."

"[Nsfw] What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo bean? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Ellen Pao's husband"