193413

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who's making ""Colostomy Bag Pipes"" on Kick Starter? They sound like shit."

"How come when someone says ""we need to talk"" it's never about ice cream or Star Wars?"

"Do you know what a Freudian slip is? It's when you mean one thing but fuck your mother."

"So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes."

"All I'm hearing about today is a really awesome owl A superb owl at that, I don't get it."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. That's a man's job."

"My lucky number is 4,000,000,000. Doesn't come in handy when you're gambling. Come on 4 billion... Fuck, 7. We need some more dice. 4 billion divided by 6, at least. -Mitch Hedberg"

"Trump's ego is so big... Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off. -Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump"

"What is Harry Potters favorite way to get down a hill? Walking (punchline in comments)"

"A lady walks into a bar and orders a double entendre... ...and the bartender gives it to her."