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Joke of the Day

"Ryan Lochte's first draft of his apology statement... ""Hi guys, my bad. Apologies to the people of Argentina. Jeah!"""

"I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel, but it takes up too much space in my freezer."

"When you'd rather read a book than date a girl ... it's prose over hoes."

"people don't want art, they want garbage. and thats what i sell. i've been losing some business to the art store next door but thats a fluke"

"What did the chemist say when his girlfriend cheated on him? Dy Ho"

"Him: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants. Me: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit."

"Which part of your body shuts down last when you die? The eyes, cause they di-late."

"In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group photo."

"How do two lawyers greet each other? With a firm handshake."

"George Zimmerman knock knock joke Person 1:Knock knock. Person 2: Who's there? Person 1: George Zimmerman. Person 2: George Zimmerman who? Person 1: Ok good you're automatically on that jury."