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Joke of the Day

"""Girl, are you a tree? cause-"" ""no i'm not a tree"" ""..cause i want-"" ""why are you still talking i'm not a tree"" "".. i want t-"" ""not a tree"""

"Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love."

"You know the vagina of a fish? It's a fish hole."

"I went to the zoo the other day.. I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was a dog. It was a shihtzu."

"Have you heard about the one about suicidal procrastinator He lived a long healthy life."

"Sorry, but there's no such thing as love at first sight. You just got really horny."

"I'd have a longer attention span if things weren't so shiny"

"""The top of my toliet seat is uncomfortable to sit on. I want it to feel like my living room floor"" - inventor of carpet toliet seat covers"

"Spelling Errors? I don't do that typo thing."

"Cop: ""Sir, what's in the bottle next to you? Me: ""It's water"" Cop: ""Sir, this is wine"" Me: ""What? Jesus! He did it again!"""