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Joke of the Day

"If her weight ends in ounces she's too young for you bro"

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"The major difference between death and taxes is that Congress can't make death any worse than it is."
"I was standing in a playground wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer.. ..... Then it hit me."
"One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said ""friggity diggity"" please do not rt"
"Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead."
"Last night, my Chevy was bitten by a vampire. Now it's Vlad the Impala."
"You know what they say about men who wear dress shoes... They have no soles."
"What do you call a castrated unicorn? A eunuchorn."
"What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? 30 pounds. OK Ladies - if you didn't like that - what's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes."
"I'm not going to heaven because I'm afraid of heights."