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Joke of the Day

"One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said ""friggity diggity"" please do not rt"

"""This won't end well, mark my words. Mark, my words. MARK. MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!"" *Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*"

"What is Father Christmas's tax status? Elf-employed."

"Why are there so many female archaeologists? Because women love digging up old shit."

"My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play."

"Want to know how copper wire was invented? Two jews fighting over a penny."

"Loan shark: If you're late my guys will ... Me: Tell my gf my phone password? LS: Break every bone in your body M: Oh. Yeah that's fine"

"Yoga Instructor: This is Warrior pose Me:*Sitting down, eating a cheeseburger YI: Me:*chewing I'm a Warrior who just slayed a McDonaldite"

"What do you call a goblin with an injured leg? A hobblin' goblin"

"What do you call a sober Irishman? A liar."