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Joke of the Day

"3 men, hard of hearing: ""Its Windy out, isn't it?"" ""No, it's Thursday"", responds the second; to which the third replies ""Me too, let's go grab a beer""."

"How did I win a Super Smash Bros. Brawl Tournament? I met a knight"

"There are 2 things I hate in this world... People who can't count."

"""HELP!"" Joe pants. ""WHAT IS IT JOE?"" I belt. ""I THINK SOMEBODY SWITCHED OUR ARTICULATORY VERBS WITH CLOTHING WORDS."" He cardigans."

"If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fucked. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them."

"Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority"

"When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients."

"*Runs fingers over Braille calendar* Is this a date? It feels like a date."

"Your tattoo says ""only god can judge me"" yet here i am...."

"[commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way! Narrator: DOGS"