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Joke of the Day

"When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients."

"Whats the difference between a pick pocket and a pedophile? The pickpocket snatches watches. * * * * * The pedophile watches snatches"

"If you press this button, you will get a piece of cheesecake but one person on earth will die so- *me already pressing button* sorry, what?"

"Why did Rolf Harris leave Animal Hospital? He heard they were getting hares and lost interest!"

"Knock Knock! **Knock Knock** Who's there? **Britney Spears** Britney Spears who? **Knock Knock** Who's there? **Oops I did it again!**"

"Auto correct tries to change the word ""pussies"" to ""Aussies"".... Just saying."

"Something disturbing came in the mail today... ...my mailman."

"What do you do when you drop your favorite ska record? PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!"

"If you're a Mormon, and you have a mom, and you haven't been referring to her exclusively as Mitt Momney...then why the hell are you Mormon?"

"Let's spare a thought for the Malaysian business man on flight MH370..... who told his wife that he was going to China for a meeting and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment."