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Joke of the Day

"*Runs fingers over Braille calendar* Is this a date? It feels like a date."

"One of those trendy avant chefs offered to cook me whale today. I said, please don't... That would make me blubber!"

"What's the worst part about being a black Jew? You have to sit at the back of the oven"

"What do you call a dinosaur you just insulted? T-REKT."

"Paul Walker took up Zen Buddism not long before his death. . . He became one with a tree."

"You're so vain, you probably think me driving by your house 27 times at 2 a.m. wearing all black with binoculars is about you, don't you."

"Heard someone died from eating a meal that wasn't Instagrammed."

"What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings. A fiddle has straaangs."

"Did you hear about the kind and humble Jew that donated a lot of money to charity? Neither did I."

"A great high-intensity workout is maintaining a neutral expression when someone tells you about a cool place to hear electronic music."