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Joke of the Day

"Hey, people who don't properly re-seal your half empty bags of potato chips... what's it like eating spider eggs?"

"Good grief, did you see that, Hans? A time traveller just appeared, shot Adolf and left again. I mean I know his paintings are shit but WTF"

"Q: Did you hear about the conceited blonde? A: She screams her own name when she comes."

"a sphincter says what? pants up, dont poop."

"Volkswagen should hire Arnold Schwarzenegger to deal with their emission scandal He's got experience with a Total Recall"

"Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? From trying to blow out lightbulbs."

"Wearing sunglasses makes you look (_) *Shady.*"

"A man walks into a bar... ...and then he leaves."

"Our youngest has finally graduated from baby bottles to 2-liters of soda."

"My debit card got stolen at the gym which is fine because i will still continue to go so that I can train to fight the person who stole it"